Yes, your child’s path may look different than you once imagined. But they and you are still in this together, headed toward the same destination: your child becoming their unique, wonderful self.
If your child is just starting their gender journey, here are tips from parents who’ve been there too.
1. Believe them.
Growing up and discovering who we are is not always a linear process — including when it comes to gender. Your child may say one thing about their identity one day, and something else the next.
Whatever they say, and wherever they are on their journey, meet them there. Believe them.
2. Celebrate them.
Your child is being themselves more confidently than they were before. That’s a wonderful thing!
Remember, they’re the same great kid as always — you just didn’t have a piece of information about them before. Celebrate having that piece of information now.
3. Use your child’s name and pronouns consistently.
It may take practice at first, but it’s a crucial way to support your child. It affirms their identity as real, seen, and important.
If others use the wrong name or pronouns, gently but firmly correct them. You are a key advocate for your child.
4. Let them control how they share their story.
Talk to your child about if, when and how they’d like to share their journey with the people in their and your life. Even if you think you know the answer, always ask first if it’s OK for you to tell a certain person.
This is their story to share, how and when they’re ready.
5. Keep an open line of communication.
Make it a habit to check in with your child every few days. This can be as simple as asking, “How are you feeling?” or as specific as asking questions like “Do you wish this process was going faster?”
Even if they don’t want to talk most days, they’ll know you’re there when they do.
6. Respect their privacy and boundaries.
When it doesn’t directly involve you as their guardian (for example, medical decisions for a minor), let your child decide what they do and don’t want to share with you.
Let them know you’re happy to talk about any and every aspect of their journey — but you also respect their privacy.
7. Embrace knowledge.
Knowledge is power. In addition to helping you talk to your child about their gender journey, learning about gender identity topics will help you on your own path as their parent.
To get started, check out the resources here at Beaqen and other trustworthy sources like the American Academy of Pediatrics.
8. Be patient — with the process, your child, and yourself.
It’s normal to struggle with change, and to worry about your child’s life choices. This is true for parenting in general, and it’s true for parenting a child on a gender journey.
As the parent, you can’t and won’t have all the answers. That’s OK. Your job is to love your child, and be patient as they find their way.
9. Lean on us.
So many factors go into a young person’s gender journey, from the details of their transition to their overall social and mental health.
Don’t hesitate to ask for information and support from your child’s care team, their mental health provider, and our team at Beaqen.
